Happy Sunday! I’m back with another 3 things that have been on my mind this week. It’s been a bit of an odd one – I’ve been putting jokey memes up left right and centre about the state of my mental health and how I feel like things are all falling apart and it’s all fun and games laughing at the internal misfortunes of my mind but maybe it is a bit of a cry for help? This is so sad Alexa play Despacito. So this week I’m focusing on things that do make me happy, like eyelash extensions and free postal STI tests. Wait, what??…
I haven’t really been feeling myself lately. I’m not sure why – and I can’t put my finger on it. But there seems to be a constant cloud of sadness that doesn’t seem to go away, and even when it does, it reappears quickly once the laughter has gone. This is just life – it’s just how it is. There’s ups and downs and sometimes those phases last longer than you might expect. But what got me the other day is that I woke up and I couldn’t think of a single thing that made me happy. What does make me happy anymore? The things that used to bring joy to my life seem to make me feel as numb as anything. What’s changed? Will it come back? I mean, there’s things that make me happy but I guess I’m so used to feeling so constantly numb I just couldn’t really think of anything that made me feel anything.
I was out having drinks with an old friend on Friday. Although we haven’t really seen each other in years, he’s someone that I feel I can be really open with. I admitted that I didn’t know what made me happy anymore and he sort of laughed – not in a horrible way – but he said that I’m searching for things too big, and that when I feel like this I’ve got to focus on the really small things. He said “like nature. Nature is AMAZING!” – and it is?! It’s all around us – and it just helped shift my perspective a little bit, thinking of all of the little animals and flowers and how things blossom and grow and die…oh god I’m going in a miserable circle here. So what makes me happy? Right now? I’m in bed again, and my bedsheets are so clean and my bed is comfortable. My hangover is leaving my body like an unwanted spirit. I’m going to order something delicious from Deliveroo! I’m reading an amazing new book – Marching Powder.
Maybe if I start thinking of the little things that make me happy more often, this hazy black cloud of sadness will start to stay away a little while longer.
I was always about the LVL lash lift life – I still am, I think it’s an amazing beauty treatment for those who want to make the most of their own lashes. But after having my lip fillers dissolved, I was seriously lacking in self-confidence so I decided to get a full-on glam set of lash extensions by Boudoir Lashes to help distract away from my insecurities. Distraction technique kids – it’s a winner. Anyone considering them should check out Boudoir Lashes because they are so so amazing. My getting ready time has practically halved – I just cba to do anything on my eyes now because they just pop! I wake up looking like I’m ready for a night out. When I’m at Kobox I don’t have to worry about getting panda eyes and mascara everywhere because my lashes stay in place. And YES, this is another little thing that makes me happy!
Safe sex is important. And I’m not talking about contraception via the pill or an IUD – I’m talking actual protection from STIs. Condoms!! No – they’re not that sexy to be fair. And they don’t feel as good. But want to know what else doesn’t feel good? Herpes. Crabs. Genital warts. Or at least, that’s what I’ve heard. It’s all too easy getting caught up in the moment but I honestly can’t say enough how important it is to use condoms – and in fairness I find it super attractive when a guy just whips one out rather than me having to say “do you have a condom?” – and I recommend that everyone should keep a condom in their bag/ purse/ wallet/ card holder because you never know when a moment of passion might come! (I am very optimistic and desperate and hopeful here)
It’s not going to happen all of the time though, and even if you do use them it’s still important to get tested for STIs. But does anyone else find that getting checked is SUCH a hassle? I had my last one when I had a smear (BOOK YOUR DAMN SMEAR IF YOU CAN IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE!) – but having to book in an appointment at a doctor can be super inconvenient with work hours. Taking half a days annual leave just to make sure you haven’t got the clap is a bit of a mission. Many sexual health clinics are also open weird hours, and so many have shit unclear websites. “Drop-In” sessions, from my experience, usually result in you sitting in a waiting room for 2 hours just to piss in a pot and do a vaginal swab whilst a doctor quizzes you on the background and ethnicity of your latest lovers. But whilst I was at my friends this week, her flatmate said how she did a home STI testing kit for free.
My mind was blown.
As if this is even a thing? Why isn’t it advertised more? This makes my life SO much easier! So I logged on to Sexual Health London to get one sent out and boom, here it is, sitting next to me (with dominos garlic and herb sauce dripped into it oooops) You get a finger prick test and a swab and it even has a printout of your nearest postbox to send it back to for free. I think it’s such an amazing initiative I almost did an Instagram story about it but I was worried people would think it’s an ad and that people would just think I’m a bit ridiculous. But here I am writing about it!
Right, I’m off to work on my happiness by jumping in a bath with my book and a box of noodles or something. Peace out, lots of love, xoxo
Photography by Beth Elstone