Few phrases have the power to instil quiver-inducing, pee-your-pants style fear in me. Like, we’ve ran out of ketchup. We need to talk. Sorry we stopped serving breakfast at 10:30 (McDonalds, obviously.) Your ASOS Premier account has expired. And, perhaps more surprising than the rest, denim shorts. If there’s one piece of clothing that epitomises summer year on year (bar a floral dress, of course) it’s a pair of denim shorts. They look great on super models, It girls, ladies from Texas to Thailand. It’s a globally appealing piece that never seem to date, simply returning season after season with either a slightly different form of distressing or slightly altered hue of denim. And they fucking terrify me.
Seeing a pair of said shorts brings back awful memories of Topshop’s notorious denim cut-off hotpants somehow made it socially acceptable to walk around the street with your arse actually out. I tried on a pair with a black leotard to go to some ~ edgy ~ house party in Cardiff once (I use that term lightly, it was Cardiff after all,) and the resulting image looked more like a poor attempt at a Pussycat Dolls tribute act member. See, some girls simply looked incredible in them – all of my housemates in uni who ever donned them can neatly put themselves in this category – but for me, it was the sartorial equivalent of oversharing a sexual experience to your parents or something.
Now I don’t hate my legs. Since getting into training, leg day has become my favourite, and I love how I can actually see muscle in my body and I can squat something weightier than an overfilled handbag. But I’m fully aware that my legs will always be a larger part of my body. Plus, they’re the last to lose weight, and the first to get bigger when I overindulge. Yes, I can literally feel the fat and bread and cheese and extra dip I smothered on that pizza melt into my legs as soon as a delicious bite hits my tongue, so I’m always keen to find shorts that don’t completely cling to the curves of my body.
Loose, free-flowing shorts are your best option. Or try out styles from the Tall section that’ll fall a little lower on your legs. Paperbag or elasticated waists with a tie belt allow for optimum cinching, creating a perfect hourglass silhouette. Why? Because shorts cut with a fluid, louche shape don’t cling and make you feels like your wearing nothing at all in a Ned Flanders kind of way. And if you want to wear shorts that hug your body? Then work it girl. Here’s some of the best on the web.