Oh holidays. Tropical climes, coconuts, white sandy beaches, and countless photo opportunities to rake in the likes and followers on Instagram (we all think it, I’m just saying it). But for every one ‘candidly’ shot bikini photo that makes it onto everyone’s favourite social media platform, there are the others that don’t quite make the grade (about 475 others, to be precise.) Maybe it’s because the angles weren’t right. Maybe it’s because I was losing my temper and wasn’t giving pulling my cute-face 100% effort. Or maybe, it’s because there’s an annoying couple in the back ruining the picture with a selfie stick. We all know Instagram is curated reality – a shiny veneer showcasing the best of us, if you will – so I thought I’d bring all of this filtered reality back down to earth by sharing a little selection of outtakes from my bikini snaps to highlight the expectations vs reality of taking the perfect Instagrammable bikini photos at the beach.
Why in God’s name is there a stupid couple behind me ruining this shot with a selfie stick???? Thank GOD for photoshop.
My photographer (aka boyfriend) told me to splash about in the water because it looks good on camera but I just feel like literally the biggest dick ever. I’ll give you splish effing splash.
Why did my photographer/aka boyfriend not tell me that the water has magnified my body so that it looks like some evil photoshop demon has superimposed my pinhead onto the body of the Michelin man? This is practically grounds for a break up.
Did you get the shot? I feel like a bird doing an interpretive dance waving my arms about like this. People are staring.